Stuff I basically grew up on

When I was little, I always had these tomboyish tendencies. I would ask Santa for remote control cars instead of dolls, I tagged along with my brother’s guy friends and played their games, and I would almost always cry when asked to wear a dress for special occasions. But I know that this wasn’t quite because I was born that way; there were a lot of outside factors that have influenced why I behaved the way I did. Like the fact that I have an older brother whom I may have subconsciously imitated since he was older and unlike my parents, was still quite my age. He is only about two years older than me and therefore was also my usual playmate and companion at home. He mostly gets to choose the television shows back then, which were basically either Power Rangers or He-man, and I didn’t have a problem with that. I look back at those times and see them as funny memories whenever I would share that experience with my classmates. I’m actually happy that I can look back and laugh at the things that I basically grew up on.

 On to my next point, with me being the second child and all, most of the stuff I had was hand-me-downs from my brother. I got so used to wearing jeans and loose shirts that when I was finally asked to wear a skirt, I wasn’t comfortable, the get-up felt too “girly” for me. It also didn’t help that my relatives would tease me that “I finally became a girl” every time I would wear one. But then I’m glad my mom never really told me what to wear and that she didn’t really worry that I acted the way I did. I guess it’s because in our society today, female gender roles are pretty flexible and many people still find it acceptable even if a girl is being assertive or even if she wears jeans instead of dresses. Male gender roles aren’t as flexible though. If a boy is seen playing with dolls, crying, or wearing skirts for example, he would then be seen as “unmanly” or quite frankly, gay. My lola thinks differently than my mom though and maybe it’s because she is really old and in that sense have old-fashion or traditional outlooks on how someone should behave. I guess she had certain expectations on how males and females should think, act, and feel that she was afraid that I would grow up to be a tomboy.

But as I began to hit puberty, although my mom never really forced me to wear stuff I didn’t like, she would almost always give hints on what she would like me to be wearing. Like for example if we pass by a store with frilly shirts or dresses on display, she would comment that she would wear those things if only she was younger- like me. Or that if we see a chubby girl pass by, she would tell me that if that girl could do it then so should I. I’d laugh at her comments and disagree to come inside “girly looking” shops. With this, I’m happy to say that I have Authoritative parents. My parents don’t necessarily dictate stuff on us and they hear out our opinions. Extensive verbal give-and-take is allowed, but there are still limits on how much we can “talk back”. Although we are encouraged to be independent and have our say on things, there are still boundaries on our behavior and in that way I see my parents as warm and nurturing.

I guess its all part of growing up, but one way or another, you finally start really noticing the people around you and become self-conscious, I knew I did anyways. In parties, when I was somewhat forced to wear dresses I felt awkward and left-out when I didn’t wear a dress but otherwise felt pretty when I didn’t wear one. I finally overcame my cousin’s taunts about me finally “becoming a girl” that it gradually wore off and finally vanished. I guess it’s all about not caring what other people think and making a stand at what you are comfortable with that you overcome your fears.

Notes:
Gender roles-- Expectations for how females and males should think, act and feel. Boys are reared to be “masculine” (powerful, aggressive and independent) and girls brought up to be “feminine” (sensitive to others, good at relationships, and less assertive).

Gender Role Flexibility
Americans tend to disapprove more of boys engaging in feminine behavior (playing with dolls and crying) than of girls playing a masculine behavior (being a tomboy and assertive) Female gender roles are somewhat more flexible than male gender roles.

Industry vs Inferiority
Industry vs inferiority occurs from the age of 6 until puberty. Children can achieve industry by mastering knowledge and intellectual skills. When they do not they can feel inferior.

Identity vs Identity Confusion
Individuals are faced with finding out who they are, what they are all about, and where they are going in life. An important dimension is the exploration of alternative solutions to roles.